If you’re like many others, you have experienced missing out on at least one thing in your life. Whether it be a party your friends went to, a great DC movie (woah, that doesn’t happen often!), a fun time with family, etc. We’ve all been there, done that. Here’s an example I think most of us can relate to: 

Imagine it’s 10 p.m. on a Friday night, it’s summer time (how I love summertime), it’s nice outside (or disgustingly muggy if you live in NJ), and with a pinch of a nice breeze. And ouch, unfortunately for you, you’re sitting in your room, alone, and staring at your phone, not sure what to do with yourself. (this describes me every night while I’m writing these, obviously.)

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You decide to check your Snapchat and notice someone’s story of them at a party with the caption, “living it up!” (which is incredibly cringey, we’re not in middle school anymore guys!) and that puts you in a mindset where you feel left out and FOMO starts to hit as it does whenever a situation like this occurs. 

Not only does it feel bad that you’re home alone on a Friday night, but it makes it worse to see what the rest of the weird and hormone-driven teenage population is up to without you. It leaves you asking yourself, “Why wasn’t I invited?” or maybe saying “Damn, I wish I could be there right now too.” Or, neither, and this doesn’t matter to you at all, but for most of us, it can have an impact. 

That’s why FOMO is known as FOMO, many of us have a huge fear that we’re being excluded which, quite honestly, does not feel too hot. We, as humans, are social creatures and never want to miss out on any times of joy or excitement if we can help it. So, it’s understandable how for most of us, our brains automatically default to a feeling of sadness and/or loneliness when we see others doing something that we’re not present for to experience for ourselves.

In today’s article, we’re going to dive a little more into the “condition” we call FOMO and what we can do to cope with it as well. But, first let’s go into some key basics and pointers in my mini lesson below and I act like I am a teacher for 1 minute of your time. Only 1!

This next subheading is credited to the For Dummies book series as it fit perfectly in the context. 

FOMO for Dummies 

For some, FOMO is not as well known, and I don’t want to go too far in without more or less, properly explaining what FOMO is. For the basics if it wasn’t obvious enough before, FOMO is the Fear of Missing Out (as I used in the title, which is why I called this FOMO for Dummies, which is said with love!) 

According to Forbes Health, it is not an known diagnosable condition, but “[FOMO] can directly impact both physical and mental health.” Social media can be a main cause for for it, but it can be a lot more to it than just social media. 

According to Nathalie Christine Dattilo, Ph.D, the founder of Priority Wellness Group and an instructor of psychology at Harvard, she says that “FOMO includes both the perception of missing out, which triggers anxiety, and compulsive behaviors, like checking and refreshing sites, to maintain social connections.” She also mentions that “[i]t is closely related to the fear of social exclusion or ostracism, which existed long before social media.”

Again, we, as people, want to feel included and apart of a group and that has been that way for all of human existence. We all want to be involved with one another. Social media has a larger impact now because everyone wants to show everyone who’s not with them what they’re up to. From this trend, it has caused FOMO to become more and more prominent. This came to be in the early 2000’s when Facebook was first created and, of course, is now worse in present day, causing people to feel more alone when they’re not doing what everyone else is or where everyone else is. 

Now that we have a basic understanding of FOMO (which again, I’m sure most of you have had before reading) let’s talk about an bigger idea for today’s topic. 

How to Cope with FOMO 

For me personally, I always had a hard time coping with FOMO. There were many times in my life since I was younger where a lot of kids my age would be out and partying, drinking a LOT of water, and enjoying their youth while I’d be home twiddling my thumbs. From looking at social media a lot or just seeing online of kids doing all this (what looked to be) “fun activities”, I got a lot of FOMO. And, generally, I never knew how to really cope with it and for this section, we’re going to discuss exactly what we can do to help cope with it. 

Let’s look at a study first: 

A study that was done by Computers in Human Behavior did an experiment that involved students at the University of Pennsylvania. The study went as follows: they asked these students on a scale of 1-5 of how the statement, ““I get worried when I find out my friends are having fun without me” affects them. The study found that 3/4 of respondents in the study have experienced FOMO. The students who reported higher “were more likely report to report lower life satisfaction and use social media immediately before and after sleeping, during meals and classes, and to engage in dangerous behaviors such as texting while driving.” 

According to another study by The Journal of Social Clinical Psychology, they found that there when there was a decrease in usage of social media, it lessened feelings of loneliness and depression in a group of 143 students from UPenn. 

Other ways to Cope with FOMO include: 

• Relish feeling out of the loop– part of life is realizing is that missing out is okay. Yes, you’re missing out and there’s nothing to really do about it. But, it also gives opportunity to do more on your own terms and enjoy time with yourself and do something fun or productive alone
• Take a hiatus from social media– Try staying off social media for a little bit, it doesn’t really matter how long, but try for at least a day or more. You could see a lot of positive impacts that come from it, and taking a break is always okay.
• Use software to avoid succumbing to FOMO-If you want my opinion, which obviously you do since you’re reading, obviously, I think this is more of an extreme and only should be used if you really need it. With this, it basically means downloading a software such as Forest, Space, Rescuetime which help users see how much they spend online and help limit it.
• Delete social media apps– Another bigger extreme, but if social media really has a huge effect on you and how you feel mentally or just makes you feel bad about yourself, I would say this would be a good option to keep in the back of your head.
• Find a hobby for yourself- If you’re someone who maybe alone more often (or once in a while if you’re out a lot; generally this is for anyone), take that time and find a new hobby for yourself, it can be anything. Read more, learn an instrument, start a Blog! The ideas are endless, and while others are out having fun, that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun too! 

Another one last big one is from my great friends over at Time Magazine (we’re very close!) is taking some time and showing gratitude. The article goes on to explain that most of the time, from the usage of social media, it does not make us happy. Whether it be FOMO, comparison ourselves to others, and being bullied/harassed from others, social media doesn’t usually makes anyone jump up and down in happiness. Being more grateful does (which is also a topic I went more into in my last article!) help a lot more with happiness and a better self-esteem. 

If you’re someone who experiences FOMO often and it has a lot of effect on you, or not as much, but it still does; I urge you to give these methods a try. I think my younger self would appreciate these ideas too. 

Don’t Let FOMO Ruin Anything For You

As much as FOMO can have a huge impact on how we feel, try to use the ways listed above and any other methods you can find for yourself to help with it. Of course, it can vary for everyone how much FOMO can affect us, but don’t let it ruin the whole day for you. There’s nothing wrong with having some time alone, and from my own experience, usually whatever others are doing isn’t really as fun as it looks through social media. People post for others to see. They want others to see highlights and the best parts of whatever they’re up to, never the worst parts. 

All of this is just something to keep in mind whenever you see someone doing something that looks super amazing and fun. You can use that downtime to be productive, taking time for yourself, and your own hobbies is so important. 

Little Reminder for Anyone

If you ever feel alone or need any other mental health resources, be sure to check out my Mental Health Article for a more in depth list. Here’s a few here just for good measures and remember you are never alone and are always loved : )

National Suicide Prevention Center (call or text): 988

LGBTQ+ 

The Tran Lifeline: 1-877-565-8860

The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Thank you for taking the time to read. All comments and feedback is always appreciated!

Sources: 

Nir and Far

Time Magazines

Forbes Health

This article was originally published on Brandon’s Substack.